How Do I Tell My Child We Have to Rehome Our Dog?

Dear Auntie Angie,

I have to make the heartbreaking decision to rehome our dog, and I'm dreading telling my young child. They adore this dog, and I know it's going to be tough. I wouldn't be making this choice if I weren't absolutely sure it was the right thing to do, but I've already faced so much judgment from other parents online. People act like rehoming a pet means I don't care, but that's not true at all. I love this dog, and that's why I want to make sure they're in the best home for their needs. Now, I just need to figure out how to tell my child in a way that's honest but still gentle.

— A Worried (and Judged) Parent

Dear Worried Parent,

First, let me say this: No judgment here. Rehoming a pet is never easy, and I can see how much you care. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a pet's needs don't match what we can provide. That's not failure—it's responsible pet ownership. You're choosing to prioritize your dog's well-being, even when it's painful. That takes love, not neglect.

Now, let's talk about how to support your child through this transition.

How to Talk to Your Child About Rehoming a Pet

1. Keep It Simple and Honest

Your child doesn't need all the details—just a clear, loving explanation. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, focus on what's best for the dog. Try something like:

• "We love this dog so much, and we want to make sure they have the best home possible. We found a family that can give them what they need, and they're so excited to love and care for them."
• "Some dogs need a different kind of home to be their happiest. We found the perfect place where they'll get lots of attention and playtime."
• "Our dog is going on a new adventure with a family that will take such good care of them. They're going to be so happy."

Simple, clear explanations keep the message positive while reassuring your child that the dog is safe and loved.

2. Let Them Feel Their Feelings

No matter how gently you say it, your child will probably feel sad—and that's okay. Let them know their feelings are normal. You can say:

• "I know this is really hard. It's okay to feel sad or even mad. I feel sad, too, because we love our dog so much."
• "Change can be tough, but we'll get through it together."

By validating their emotions, you're helping them process their feelings in a healthy way.

3. Give Them a Role in Saying Goodbye

Kids feel better when they have some control over a tough situation. Help them say goodbye in a meaningful way:

• Let them pick a favorite toy or blanket for the dog to take to their new home.
• Encourage them to draw a picture or write a letter to the new family.
• Have a little "goodbye party" where they can share their favorite memories.

Even small actions can help them feel like they're part of this transition rather than having it happen to them.

4. Reassure Them That Your Family is Still Whole

Young kids might wonder, If our dog has to leave, what else might change? Reassure them that your love and family aren't going anywhere:

• "Even though our dog won't be living with us, we're still a family, and our love for each other never changes."
• "Our home will always be filled with love, no matter what."

It's important for all caregivers involved to have the same message (grandparents, teachers, sitters etc). Practice your message with your spouse and/or other regular caregivers before talking to your child if you have time. If you are divorced or separated, try to get on the same page with your ex-spouse about the situation. Have them reinforce the message you decide to communicate. 

5. Focus on Happy Memories

Help them keep the love alive by creating something special:

• Make a little photo album or scrapbook with their favorite pictures.
• Draw pictures of fun times with the dog.
• Tell funny stories about silly things the dog did.

Keeping those happy moments front and center will make it easier for them to process their emotions positively.

I understand that rehoming a beloved pet is a deeply personal and challenging decision, often accompanied by feelings of guilt and concern about judgment from others. To support you during this time, here are some resources that offer guidance on discussing pet rehoming with children and coping with the associated emotions:

• 6 Tips for Talking to Your Kids About Rehoming Your Pet: This article provides practical advice on approaching the conversation with your child, emphasizing honesty and empathy. Pets For Children
• Talking To Your Kids About Rehoming Your Pet - Mommyish: This piece offers insights into having open discussions with your children about the reasons for rehoming and how to help them process the change. Mommyish
• Rehoming a pet: How to cope with the grief | The Ralph Site Blog: This resource delves into the emotional impact of rehoming a pet and offers strategies to cope with feelings of grief and guilt. thatclearmind.com
• Rehoming a pet: when it's the best option and how to cope - Betterpet: This article discusses situations where rehoming may be necessary and provides guidance on coping with the decision. BetterPet

Remember, making the decision to rehome a pet out of concern for their well-being demonstrates responsible and compassionate pet ownership. It's important to prioritize the needs of both your family and your pet, even when faced with external judgment. These resources can offer support and guidance as you navigate this challenging time.

Final Thoughts

Rehoming a pet is never easy, but you're handling it with so much love and care. Your child may need time to adjust, and that's okay. Be there to listen, reassure, and remind them that their feelings matter. Remind them that love isn't about where someone lives but the memories and connection you'll always share.

You're doing a great job; your child is lucky to have you. You can do this. You can talk about hard things. 

 

With Love,

— Auntie Angie